A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME : Schools back and so is the virus, which never went away anyway, mostly because your Prime Minister just does not care who lives or dies. But the return of school means the return of the strong potential for another lockdown.
“The boss will have to save Christmas,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “Even if we have no turkeys, we have no beer, we have no chickens, we have no food at all, we still need to be able to visit each other at Christmas. Boris Johnson will save Christmas. And if that means a lockdown around the October half term than so be it. The only issue is how to sell it to the insane gaggle of sociopaths he’s empowered to get himself into power?”
To attempt to get past that hurdle the PM is going to canvas the public.
“He wants the great British public to choose a new word for lockdowns. Any word will do. This way he can go to the swivel eyed, chauffeur driven lunatics in the Tory parliamentary party and say look, the people have decided! That was a good enough bit of disingenuous bollocks to destroy the fishing and farming industries, it should serve to flatten the autumn curve.”
It’s clear the PM deserves broad and generous praise for his forward planning and willingness to “tackle the tough issues”. Such as how to convince the public it’s alright that hundreds of them are avoidably dying daily because the ERG won’t stand for anything that prevents it.
There are one or two voices of concern though. Some are saying that the way the mass spreading event that is Williamson and schools operates the lockdown will be weeks before the end of October.
But for his part, famous pig fancier David Cameron suggests Johnson should hold a referendum and “Settle the politically doable, avoidable death rate for a generation”.