EVERY LITTLE BIT HELPS : The United Kingdom’s King Boris Johnson was elected on a promise to Get Brexit Done and solve the social care promise.
The second promise was clearly a load of horse shit tacked onto his campaigning to broaden his offer from just Brexit, which of course no one with half a brain would have done.
“It’s a bit tricky now,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “We’ve a man with half a brain trying to solve the social care crisis and fully 3/4’s of that half a brain has previously been devoted to conducted extramarital affairs. I’m not sure he’s up to it.”
The major obstacle is how to make the poor pay more so the money can be funnelled into tax havens, but convince them it’s all fair?
“We are thinking about getting a bus and painting it with a number that out of context looks large. Then we can just drive it around the country. It worked before. Maybe it’ll work now.”
There’s additional confusion due to the ongoing pandemic.
“It’s clear the mismanagement of the pandemic along the lines of eugenics has reduced the social care burden considerably,” the source muses. “However it’s a Johnson strategy so it’s incredibly short term. What it if creates a lot of chronic illness which exacerbated the social care crisis? We’re not smart enough to work this out.”
There’s also the conundrum of how to take everyone’s equity off them, which is stored in home ownership, and give it to wealthy Tories, but still have people believe the housing market is the store of aspiration in the country.
“Why bother spending your entire life in debt up to your eyeballs if you’re just going to have to cash in that asset so your kids can use the liquidity to pay some private firm to wipe your parents bums? Still, maybe we’ll get lucky and no one will notice?”
The most likely way out seems to be to link two crises together.
“People should be grateful really,” the source adds. “They’re saving a lot on groceries now thanks to Brexit emptying the shelves. They should be saving those savings towards their care in old age, while continuing to pay National Insurance. It’s either that or tax the super rich and no sane Tory who likes a steady stream of political donations is going to do that!”