FEET OF CLAY : DOWNING STREET has the solution to the problems plaguing post-Brexit Britain and it is going to enact it.
The watershed moment came during a drinking session at Chequers yesterday, where the Prime Minister is said to have gone to recover from his latest holiday. The event started out as an innocent time “getting lathered before lunch” as standard but took a serious turn when the risk to turkeys this Christmas was mentioned.
“The Prime Minister himself nailed it,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “He realised that all the problems causing Brexit to baulk where a result of overweening EU red tape. Before Brexit we had a powerful, even leading voice in Europe and could have done something about it. The nuclear option being our veto. But the EU tricked us into giving up the veto so it could get Brexit done. He’s going to call them out on it.”
Once the veto is returned it will allow Mr Johnson to cease “boring himself silly thinking about reading up on how the EU works” and just solve all the problems at a stroke.
“We’re going to call it Operation Gordian Knot. This is mostly for the classical reference but also because of the speed with which the problems of lack of workers and failing crops will be solved. The PM will just cut right through all the nonsense. He’ll be able to bring the same complete disregard for legal agreements to the functioning of the EU and third parties.”
The return of the UK’s veto over EU will also “drag the EU” back to the reality of the relative power of the half a billion people that comprise it and the mighty British lion.
“The EU will come to heel,” the source adds. “It’s only a matter of time. The veto will be returned giving us the exact same benefits as membership, but without any of the tiresome responsibilities. After all, they need us more than we need them.”