THEY DON’T NEED NO EDUCATION : Education Superstar Gavin Williamson has hit back at critics who claim he’s as incompetent as Raab, as clueless as Truss and as vindictive as Patel.
With schools across the U.K. reopened or reopening after the gloomy summer many are concerned that English schools in particular are unprepared for another go at educating the future during a tantric pandemic. Mr Williamson has marked their work down.
“Letting the virus rip through our children is not a way to achieve herd immunity in the community via natural infection, while reducing the social care problem,” an invented spokesman for the Education Secretary told LCD Views. “It’s just the obvious result of our devil may care approach. It’s also not a way to reduce overcrowding in classrooms, it’s just what will follow with tens of thousands of students being off sick and many in hospitals.”
Responding to specific criticisms that he hasn’t even attempted to make classrooms safer Mr Williamson’s spokesman was livid.
“We have signed a contract for hundreds of millions of canaries. Just like in the coal mines of old there will be perfectly adequate warning systems that dangers are present. And then we’ll ignore them and carry on, just like now.”
The canaries themselves will be supplied “by the truckload” by a Tory donor who was the best person to deal with as “they’ve recently suffered a serious business failure but have previously donated generously to the Conservatives.”
The canaries will also be financially very efficient for schools.
“You can just bin them when they die due to the dangerous gas levels and pop another in the cage,” the spokesman enthuses. “And each day a lucky pupil can be chosen by lot to take the canary home for their afternoon shift in the newly reopened coal mines and stand an even better chance of making it home alive.”
Boris Johnson’s Britain – he doesn’t appear to care about his own offspring, why the hell do you expect he’ll care about yours?