TASTING THE BENEFITS OF BREXIT : It’s with surprise that esteemed parliamentarian Jacob Rees-mogg’s prediction that food and clothing would become significantly cheaper post Brexit is wrong. The shockwaves are reverberating.
The surprise is doubled given the reputation for accuracy Brexiters have. They are essentially all superforecasters and not deceitful shitebergs who only showed the tip of their shiteberginess during the years leading up to the UK freeing itself from Brussels.
But while food shortages and price hikes will now become normal it’s not all bad. There are tangible benefits to be tasted.
“Food is to become a must have luxury symbol,” a 10 Downing Street spokesman told LCD Views. “Something we’re all very proud of. Imagine one of your political donors buying you the edible equivalent of a new Ferrari each and every day? People will be sooooo jealous.”
Of course the reinvention of food as a luxury commodity is already secure for millions of British men, women and children.
“We’ve been striving tirelessly since 2010 to make food something with a certain cache. The massive growth in the food bank sector is proof of the strides we’ve taken. This is why so many Tory MPs proudly do photo shoots at food banks. Celebrate your achievements. Publicise them. Thanks to Brexit we can extend these wins to cover the mass of people on our island.”
People will be encouraged to strive for food like never before as Brexit teething problems become the new normal.
“Just imagine the jealously your family and friends, neighbours and work mates will have to conceal when they see you having lunch? Once you would have had to get a massive house and a sports car, but because of Brexit all you will soon need to do is go grocery shopping.”
Brexit, if it were edible, you’d choke on it.