CHOOSE YOUR LEADERS WELL : British Prime Minister Boris Johnson is reported as “rocked to his core” last night after a dinner guest mentioned the crisis in Afghanistan, between courses.
“Initially the PM thought his guest was referencing the first book by Winston Churchill, The Road to Mandalay, and he was ready to blag his way through the next few minutes. But slowly it dawned on him the donor was talking about current affairs.”
The identity of the donor is unclear, although it’s thought to be a structurally bankrupt paper cup manufacturer willing to donate heavily to the Conservatives, once he’s received a contract to manufacture blood test tubes of variable standard.
“He may even stump up for the next nanny,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “It’s a very exciting prospect. It was worth investing time and having another donor purchase dinner. The PM likes to lead by example. This is how you improve your prospects by hard work and is an excellent example for those on Universal Credit.”
The end result of the conversation is a new focus by Mr Johnson on the crisis in Afghanistan. Unkind critics suggest he “sleepwalked into” it because he could care less, leaving thousands of Afghanis at risk of a terrifying, short future.
“The polling isn’t great,” the source explains. “Dom being on a beach as Afghanistan fell to the Taliban has cut through in the same way that the other Dom breaking pandemic restrictions cut through. Mr Johnson needs to get on the front foot and pretend to be involved or plans for a 2022 GE are imperilled.”
The main idea now will be for the PM to be “seen to be doing something”, before he has lunch.
“We are considering flying him to Afghanistan to stage a photo shoot with a mop,” the source adds. “But that’s got way too much support within the cabinet.”