DON’T STOP MOVING : Downing Street have gotten Brexit, Pandemic and Afghanistan done in classic Johnson style and now they’re moving onto the food supply crisis.
A raft of measures are being considered, and some dinghies, punts and inflatables too. First and foremost will be making sure heavy goods vehicle drivers know what is expected of them.
“They have to stop eating their own supply,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “We all know that’s when everything goes south. Some of us from first hand experience as witnesses.”
The ability of drivers to consume the stock they’re carrying has been “the rising damp of the supply chain crisis” and new laws sill criminalise it. It’s imagined that fully 50% of a delivery of any food stuff is eaten by a driver in transit. The supply crisis has nothing to do with Brexit.
“HGV drivers need to view their occupation like that of a monk. It’s a spiritual calling and the appetites of the body have to be ignored to raise their driving vibrations. This will mean more food in U.K. shops.”
But it won’t be all stick and no carrot. Education will be part of the new messaging.
“We spent five years telling a 100,000 truckers to go home. We don’t want you here. They got that message. I’m sure we can now give them a different message. It’s because we went to Eton. The innate ability to govern lesser men gives us a keen insight.”
But for those who don’t listen the penalties for snacking on food in transit will be extreme.
“If you can’t resist opening up the cargo hold and taking a bite of that apple or orange before it turns to mash at an inland customs facility you’ll find yourself deported. It’s a virtuous circle approach. Because then we’ll ask you to come back.”
British born drivers will also be deported across the Channel. Just the possibility of that is expected to see tens of thousands of ordinary Brits volunteering to drive trucks immediately.