STRAINED HIS SINEW : The U.K. foreign secretary Dominic Raab is said to be “still confused” this morning after telling staff he was told by Boris Johnson he will be nominating him for the “Noble Peace Prize”.
The major source of confusion seems to be Raab’s inability to understand the alleged remark by his boss may have been being sarcastic. Boris Johnson has passed the high watermark of his interest in Afghanistan now and just wishes it would all go away, so he can get on with his hi vis and photo shoots.
“Raab is trying to work out what piece of what prize he will win and why it’s so well intentioned,” an aid to the permanent surprised Secretary of State told LCD Views.
The nomination will at least give the ranks of sycophantic back bench Tory MPs something else to tweet about sycophantically in his defence. They will do whatever they’re told, no matter how dense, which is some source of comfort to the entire Tory Party.
“None of the excuses, none of the deflection, none of the exaggeration, none of the lies, none of it would have been needed if he had just stayed at his desk and done his job,” the aide sighed. “Or even taken his phone off aeroplane mode when he got to the luxury resort. He is still waiting for his phone to fly by the way. He’s incredibly well qualified to be in Johnson’s cabinet. Don’t you think?”
The multiple pile up of failures by Raab has also angered campaigners who say MPs should be paid more so they focus more on their job.
“We have to sort out some employment criteria first,” one told LCD Views. “Allowing people who are lazy as roads and thick as mince to stand for election at Westminster isn’t doing anyone any favours. Especially not the people of Afghanistan.”
Mr Raab is said to be waiting expectantly by his phone to see if he has won the Nobel Peace Prize and if he has will “take some time off to celebrate”.