JUST THE GREATEST MINDS : Alarming reports this morning of a man described as “prominent in the Cretan beach circuit” stuck outside his office for hours.
The individual concerned is said to have worked up a “slather of sweat” and to be “straining every sinew” in his powerful brain as he attempts to enter the building.
Apparently numerous people have tried to help during the ordeal, but in spite of watching them enter successfully he has been unable to “replicate the amazing feat” personally.
There is talk of bringing the army in to open the door for the throbbing vein, but getting a time slot for their arrival is difficult as they are already “overwhelmed delivering groceries, driving ambulances and generally attempting valiantly to staunch the haemorrhage in civil society caused by Brexit”.
It appears the man’s unfamiliarity with his place of work has complicated matters and he has no practice of personally opening the door, going inside and getting down to work.
It is hoped his increasingly desperate cries of frustration may eventually lead to an intervention and he will be able to go inside. Presumably to nap.
“Civil servants working for the man have provided detailed briefs on how to enter the Foreign and Commonweath Office building by the front door but he appears not to have read them,” a source at scene reports. “He instead mistook them for underwear, hearing the world briefs, and lost hours trying to wear the papers both in and out of the folder they came in.”
A possible solution is being sought of having someone inside go out and open the door, but there are concerns that will just enrage him.
“There’s a instruction on the door which says ‘PUSH’, but he just keeps on pulling,” the source adds. “It’s not a serious concern. It’s not like he does any work anyway.”