NOT WAVING DROWNING : If Boris Johnson has anything to do with it the United Kingdom will avoid the worst impacts of the Climate Change disaster that is clearly already occurring.
Surprisingly it seems Brexit is to thank for it and the cascade of negative consequences that are now daily mounting as a result of deciding to go through with it.
“Mr Johnson is the leader Britain needs if it’s to avoid the catastrophe of rising sea levels and terrifying weather events,” an aide to the Prime Minister reveals. “He’s been working on his plan to save the U.K. from the horror of the environmental meltdown for years. Ever since he decided to go with Leave and not Remain.”
It seems the genius strategy is simplicity itself and is already working.
“We’re a global laughing stock and the guffaws around the world are getting louder,” the aide says. “This is exactly what Mr Johnson intended. If you’re not embarrassed by the rapid disintegration of the UK’s standing and its ability to function domestically yet, you soon will be.”
The prize the Johnson strategy aims to achieve is to make the U.K. “so terribly embarrassed that it will sink into the sea with shame.”
This looks likely to happen well before Climate Change becomes insurmountable and will spare us all having to live through the events of years to come.
“By the time the low lying areas of the U.K. join up with Doggerland in one massive sunken landscape we’ll already be a modern Atlantis. And hiding behind our stone sofas. There’s nothing to worry about from climate change. From no working fast food chains to empty supermarkets and on to defeat by the Taliban the U.K. now looks ridiculous to everyone. We’re sinking fast and that’s just what Mr Johnson wants.”
The U.K. will be the first modern industrialised state to vanish beneath the waves from embarrassment and we have the heavy weight of shame heaped on us by our own corrupt and unchallenged political leadership to thank for it.
A country dying of shame? Just Boris being Boris. It’s what the people decided.