NOT TO BE SNIFFED AT: Nostril bender in chief Michael Gove has a new role. When Liz Truss was casting around for volunteers to promote British Trade around the globe, he allegedly jumped at the chance.
“It was right up his sinuses, I mean his street,” confirmed Dutchie of Lancaster spokestoker Ebenezer Goode. “I can reveal that Michael has been on an undercover mission for several weeks now, it’s been a real shot in the arm for him.”
It’s a fact that Michael Gove gets up some people’s noses, in the same way that certain illicit substances get up his. Allegedly.
“He also needed a break,” continued Goode. “After all those rumours about his marriage that dreadful Sarah Vine woman wrote about him. If Boris can stick it where he likes and get away with it, why not Michael? In Columbia all his problems can vanish in a puff of smoke.”
He’s a joker, he’s a smoker, he’s a midnight toker. Allegedly.
Gove is apparently undercover with a young gentleman of his acquaintance. Undercover, or, if the rumours are true, on top of the covers, on the settee and over the kitchen table. And all the time boosting our trade with Columbia! Gove has quite the nose for these matters. Allegedly.
“I can neither confirm nor deny these rumours,” said Goode shiftily, popping a pill (“It’s for a migraine,” he explained). “He’s on his uppers, you must understand this. And downers. Follow the money, the good old LSD.”
Groovy man. Far out. The man with kaleidoscope eyes. Allegedly.
“The sky’s the limit,” concluded Goode. “High up in the sky, with diamonds, crazy diamonds, shining on, and Michael is as high as they come! Put that in your pipe and smoke it!”
We Global Britons all wish that Michael Gove gets a good deal. And that he has a successful trip. Allegedly.