YOU VOTED FOR GULAGS : BRITISH CITIZENS have failed to heed the summons to work and now the British government has to take the corrective action required to rectify the slovenly habits of a famously work shy population.
The productivity puzzle has long been an issue for the British economy, with austerity, privatising public services and making them rubbish, failing to invest to modernise infrastructure and everyone having to spend hours just to get to and from work as a result having nothing to do with it.
“The situation with HGV drivers, farm workers and hospitality short staffing can not be allowed to deteriorate further,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “We’ve pulled some army drivers in for transport, but that is a sticking plaster. We’re allowing restaurants to employ prisoners, but that only gets us so far because the last Labour government failed to imprison enough Brits.”
The solution it seems is a mass imprisonment drive.
“Priti Patel came up with it,” the source explains, “which will surprise no one. She’s a real firecracker when it comes to crime and punishment. From today we will be criminalising such activities as ‘being outdoors’ and ‘grocery shopping’. Being outdoors will also include being in your back yard. So watch out. If you don’t want to find yourself plucking chickens in a farm in Norfolk by close of play today, stay inside. Or go overseas like a Tory MP.”
The mass imprisonment scheme will obviously exclude Tory MPs, their families and donors, but everyone else is for it.
“You actually want to be the first to be imprisoned and released to forced labour,” the source advises. “We don’t have sufficient police to enforce even a ban on e scooters. So the initial wave of detainees will become police who will then arrest people for soft fruit farms. Go for a walk after lunch today and be in uniform before you get home. Be a self-starter, or find yourself in chains on a farm.”
Global Britain. It’s what a minority of the people wanted after an industrial psy-ops campaign, but all get to share the benefits.