A MISTAKE ANYONE CAN MAKE : The UK’s best loved beachgoer Dominic Raab is said to be taking some time out of his busy schedule this morning to just be amazed.
It’s important for everyone to pause now and then and process their life. The endless grind of modern work doesn’t allow sufficient time for most to reflect on their life experiences and order their minds. This is not a problem for Raab. Firstly because of the size of the mind there is to order and secondly because he’s really good at downing tools, no matter what’s happening at work.
“Mostly today I’m going to be amazed at the sheer number of the UK’s security services,” he told a webcast on Onlyfans, “it was only relatively recently that I realised it’s not just the M5 and M6, there’s the M1, M2, M3, M4, hang on I’ve got to change hands to keep counting. Wait. I can do M5 on this hand also if I count the thumb as a finger. Now I’ve lost count. Where was I? Anyway, it goes all the way up to the M25! We are the most secure country on Earth. World beating.”
But while the esteemed intellect of the British government was reassured by the investment in spy agencies to keep Brits safe, he did have a revelation that disappointed.
“By contrast to our ability to produce James Bonds, we’re doing terrible at motorways,” he looked sad. “Did you know for the entire country there’s only the Mi5 and Mi6. No one can tell me what the ‘i’ stands for either. No wonder it takes forever to get anywhere in this country. A severe underinvestment in modernising the transport infrastructure that is the fault of the last Labour government. It’s why Tory MPs have to go everywhere by helicopter.”