ARE THE CHICKENS STILL ROOSTING CLARICE : An entity claiming to be God has been doing the media rounds this morning to defend itself against accusations from Downing Street that it is taking the piss out of Britain.
The cosmic being, who has been described as a “bit scruffy with a whiff of watery wine about him” surprised the UK’s commentariat when he interrupted their standard spin and BS sessions this morning to give his statement.
“I’m not laughing at Brexit,” it asserted, barely managing to get the words out through fits of giggles. “The decision to make the first Brexit chicken coming home to roost a lack of actual chicken was just luck of the draw. I mean, why would I take time out of my busy schedule to do something like that? I’ve earthquakes to cause. Famines to oversee. Novel viruses to create. The prayers of small children to ignore. I’m a busy guy. And I’ve got a holiday booked in Crete.”
In spite of the being’s denials it is just messing with us many appear to believe it’s not being entirely truthful.
“Wouldn’t you make the first actual story that the UK press has to admit is a consequence of Brexit something more serious?” one God watcher wondered. “Like a lack of gold wallpaper? Something that would strike at the heart of power in the United Kingdom. Chicken supply chain issues are just a weird choice. The entity claiming to be God is teasing us.”
When pressed for solutions to the crisis the entity claiming to be God just shrugged and said, “I maybe stuck firmly in BCE but you can always rejoin the 21st century and realign your trade and immigration laws with half a billion people a few miles away. Or you can carry on like twats and wait for my next joke. I mean, consequence.”
Downing Street is expected to respond to the appearance of the deity later, after it has disappeared and it’s too late to engage meaningfully.