BETRAYED BY BMW : Where were the GERMAN CARMAKERS when we needed them? Where are they now when ACTION is needed? These are the questions that ring in the great offices of state today as an internal Downing Street inquiry gets to the bottom of who is to BLAME for the Nando store closures.
As the UK was rocked by the shuttering of dozens of the major franchises outlets, except in NI (and the Republic of Ireland), pressure was building on the Prime Minister to find out who was sabotaging the availability of piri-piri chicken.
“They’ve stabbed us in the front,” a 10 Downing Street HOT SAUCE told LCD Views. “Just walked right up and stuck the chiv in. It’s like living in a scene from a prison drama and the UK is Alcatraz. Or it will be if the Home Secretary has her way.”
The BETRAYAL is no more keenly felt than in the brain of David Davis who reassured his fellow Britons that there was nothing to fear from the Brexit project. It would all be alright on the night as the German carmakers had too much to lose. Those stubborn CONTINENTALS would BOW TO BRITAIN in the end. Only they didn’t.
“Neither did the French prosecco makers or the Italian cheesemakers,” the bubbling sauce steams. “The list of people attempting to UNDERMINE Brexit is SHOCKING.”
But even though Britain now knows who to BLAME that isn’t going to help Nando’s.
“Who is next? KFC? Cottage Chicken? Rooster Piri-Piri? The entire basis of the British food chain now stands at risk because the GERMAN CARMAKERS were too selfish to SAVE BREXIT.”
Although there is one bright light on the horizon. TRADE SUPERSTAR LIZ TRUSS has been alerted to a planet entirely made of chicken and will soon be dispatched in a UNION FLAG SPACESHIP to cut a deal that will see chickens flood back into Britain.
“She just has to wait for the EU to finish negotiating one first,” the source beams. “So she can copy it.”