FORM AN ODERLY QUEUE : The British government has come under fire in recent days for lacking foresight and preparation in the face of crisis, even being AWOL as it unfolded. That isn’t going to knock them off their stride though as that’s the Johnson government’s natural state.
While most of the attention has been on the absentee Prime Minister and Foreign Secretary, as the crisis in Afghanistan unfolds, the Home Secretary is certain to have her moment in the limelight.
“Ms Patel has seen what’s happening to Raab,” a Home Office source tells LCD Views. “She’s not going to go down that path. She’s got to be prepared to put herself forward for the highest office. That means she’s not going to be a fall guy for Boris. She is being proactive.”
Luckily for desperate Afghanis attempting to escape the Taliban they’re refugees, one of the Home Secretaries hot button topics. The issue now has all her focus.
“We’ve already acted swiftly to alleviate the risk to life and limb,” the source continues, “Priti Patel herself has authorised an emergency airlift of tens of thousands of life in the UK quizzes to Kabul. There they will be distributed in a calm and orderly fashion.”
Anyone concerned their life is in danger simply has to take the test and “fill out the other required forms. Please ensure to use black biro and print in capitals. Then you simply wait for the forms to be processed. We’re keeping our heads while all around us our colleagues are losing theirs.”
There will be additional emergency activity too.
“We’ve spent years demonising refugees for short term political gain, but these are good refugees. Repeat after me. These are currently good refugees. Mostly because they’re far away. Which is exactly how we like the consequences of our arms exports and foreign policy choices.”