CHAMPAGNE GOVERNMENT : Prime Minister Boris Johnson has sent a fire ship straight into the anti-Brexit fleet today by appointing a new Minister for Brexit Benefits.
Questions have been asked for some time why an entire new ministry has not been established by Johnson’s government to manage the sunlit uplands, given Brexit is such a roaring success the Official Opposition dare not talk about it. Today Mr Johnson has answered those questions with characteristic flair.
“The new Ministry will have all the budget,” a spokesman for 10 Downing Street told LCD Views. “Whatever is left after we’ve rewarded our donors will go straight into the Ministry. This will help the NHS in particular by providing certainty over its future.”
The Minister itself is not a surprise as it is just an empty wine crate Mr Johnson left in the corner of his office after lunch yesterday.
“He’s called it Franklin, just so people have a handle for it. But there is no handle because it’s an empty wine crate. Not just any empty box though, it’s got Pernod-Ricard Perrier-Jouet stamped on the side.”
The portfolio of the new minister is not thought to be too exacting and should be easily managed by an inanimate object.
“The Minister will be going through the contact lists of the cabinet and appointing a diverse range of Tory MP linked figures to the staff. In spite of the current drive to get back into the office they will all work from home. This is because there will be no work to do.”
This is because there are no Brexit benefits.
“To say there are no Brexit benefits is a lie. If you’ve backed it politically you’re making hay right now, which is a surprise given the sun refuses to shine, not just this summer, especially on Brexit.”