DO WHAT YOU LOVE : The news of labour shortages in the booming post pandemic economy is a constant these days. Sectors that used to be burdened by Brussels’ red tape into providing employment for foreign born workers are now grinding to a halt because of the betrayal of British industry by the same workers.
Luckily for plucky Global Britain it has the right personnel at the top of government and they are going to fix the issue, at least temporarily. Starting in the new year the Home Office is to run a series of adverts to lure EU27 migrant labour back across the Channel and back to work in Brexitannia.
It’s believed the “charm offensive” will feature Home Secretary Priti Patel smiling in police uniform and standing outside the entrance to one of the United Kingdom’s premier immigration detention facilities. The script will of course write itself as Ms Patel holds forth on the appeal of being incarcerated by the British.
Industry leaders are thought to be unsure how to respond to the initiative, having largely kept quiet since 2016 out of fear of what would happen if they spoke out against the vein bursting madness of the British government. Is it safe to criticise Brexit yet? Do I want to find myself frozen out of access to ministers? It’s a tough call to make, even as you go out of business.
Ms Patel is said to be “upbeat and excited” over the chance to lure EU27 workers back as the Hostile Environment must be fed constantly or it gets very, very angry.
“We’re all really excited about the videos we will be posting on social media next year,” a Home Office source told LCD Views. “Just imagine the looks on the faces of EU27 workers who decide to brave coming back to Blighty, only to find themselves detained by armed police and locked in a cell awaiting deportation? The looks on their faces will be classic. This is Global Britain. This is how we roll. We beat fascism and we’ve forgotten how country’s fall into it.”
A soundtrack of the Home Secretary laughing her socks off will accompany the advertising campaign so everyone knows that she is loving her work.