LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE : 10 Downing Street is in an upbeat mood on the fight against the mean spirited climate and the search for tangible benefits.
“It will certainly help make a success of Brexit,” a jolly 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “Look at all the petrochemical dollars in my pockets! Oh. Second thoughts. Don’t look at the dollars just get hooked on my bad faith arguments. When you’re exasperated by me why not drop in on Facebook and get into a debate on climate change with a paid troll in a political group?”
Clearly among developed nations the United Kingdom is particularly well placed to find the sunlit uplands, tangible benefits and increase in sovereignty inherent in any man made disaster. After all, we’ve been practicing with Brexit. Why should climate change be any different?
“Just think how we will benefit from a widening English Channel? It’ll be harder for illegal human beings to reach Blighty, so Priti Patel will be beaming. This is just as well as negative changes to climate is bound to make a lot more of them. But all patriots will be delighted by the increased distance between London and Brussels. Rather than being an unwelcome danger we should welcome the changing sea levels and the corresponding enlargement of sovereign British waters. Our navy will not be overtasked as our island will shrink so it will take less time to patrol and circumnavigate searching for enemy subs and Danish cod trawlers. Really it’s a series of win wins for Britain.”
But while Downing Street is characteristically upbeat and ready to lead not just the U.K. but the world in an embrace of avoidable disaster, there are some boring critics.
“You’d think men like Johnson and Rees-mogg would be determined to do all they can to stop the dangerous changing climate,” one noted, “after all they’re populating the world with legions of children. But they seems strangely nonchalant. Almost as if in spite of all the evidence of negative consequences to come, if we don’t change course, they don’t believe in it. Which would be very Brexit.”