CHOICES CHOICES : The Health Department is working across government to make parenting easier and today sees the launch of the latest initiative.
Anyone who has or has had young children in the past knows how difficult it can be to get them to eat a broad range of fresh fruit and vegetables. Often they’ll have one or two favourites and the rest? Pah. Well thanks to Brexit that challenge is changing.
“5 A Week is the new way to keep your growing children hungry,” a Health Department spokesman told LCD Views. “Did I say hungry? I meant to say healthy. We’re working across departments with agriculture and trade to ensure that your children will no longer be screwing their little faces up and saying ‘What’s that?’ at food! It’s a very exciting time.”
While the initiative is not wholly unique, as Conservative ministers have been working tirelessly to make accessing food a means tested system since 2010, thanks to Brexit they’re able to ramp it up to a world beating standard.
“Over the coming months more and more families will feel the benefits of Brexit,” the spokesman continues. “And if you think those little angels have spent too much time in doors and on screens due to the mysterious way the pandemic has extended in the UK, well, you can always take them foraging for the ingredients to make pottage! Traditional British parenting is set for a mass comeback.”
To help embed the excellent new habits the Health Department will be working with major UK supermarkets.
“To ensure 5 A Week becomes the norm you’re going to see changes in the fresh produce aisles at your local shops,” the source adds, “one day they’ll only be bananas, the next only potatoes, another only bunches of coriander. Some days nothing at all!”
5 A Week – It’s only possible on the sunlit uplands of Brexit. You won’t be able to participate if you’re on Continental Europe.