DIGGING FOR BRITAIN : Mass panic is being reported up and down the length and breadth of Blighty today after loyal voters realised that the food supplies of their MPs maybe at risk.
Clearly many are not aware that the risk is not immediate as most MPs are currently enjoying their summer recess on the Continent. There is however a danger that the best of us will be caught up in the food supply crisis when they reluctantly trudge back home to face what they’ve inflicted on the rest of us.
Ever forward thinking Mr Johnson has met with his advisors and decided on a solution to calm the fraying nerves of the people.
“He’s having Priti Patel order the Police to seize local fruit and veg allotments,” a Home Office source told LCD Views. “Don’t tell anyone I told you though or I’ll be for it. If you’ve never seen Ms Patel in a rage in the office you’re fortunate.”
It’s believed the decision to seize locally grown produce will allow the owners of allotments to focus on what’s important.
“It’s about promoting community spirit,” the source continues. “It’s not going to be very good for public order if old Gary is sitting there on a mountain of marrows while his neighbour Beth is scouring the high road for a carrot. So if the general public are all in the same boat it will help everyone pull in the same direction.”
Ensuring that MPs are well fed through the crisis they’ve inflicted on the rest of us will do wonders for morale.
“It’ll really bring the public together. Seeing little tubby Francois still all tubby. Old Boris out running trying to shift the flab. Meanwhile you’re grubbing in the dirt of your peasants backyard hoping there’s a new potato somewhere? It’s a Very British Food Shortage. I expect the BBC will make a film about it.”