WHAT’S GOING ON : The United Kingdom is rumoured to currently be suffering a shortage of workers in many sectors. This appear to have coincidentally followed the UK Government failing to prepare for Brexit, but is not related. Happily the government is taking action.
“We’re going to have an inquiry,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “Firstly into how well the two pieces of art Mr Johnson spent £100K on work with Carrie’s choice of wallpaper? After that we’ll be getting right onto the severe shortages of staff.”
To be fair to Downing Street, when the Prime Minister rushed to get Brexit Done and then rushed to terminate the transition period, no one at all would have expected the EU27 workers to leave. A few simple forms to fill out and some fees to pay and anyone who wants can continue to work for us.
“We’re British. Why wouldn’t they still want to work for us? It’s pretty basic stuff. You can work in one of those other countries that doesn’t have an empire, or you can work for us? It’s a no brainer. We suspect someone has been enticing the workers away.”
It’s not believed the problem of mass shortages has a domestic cause because “Priti Patel has made it very obvious that anyone not born in England is not wanted.”
“We suspect the leaders of EU27 states have been trying to entice British workers to leave the United Kingdom, but because they don’t speak English they accidentally published their propaganda in their own languages. This misled hospitality, farm workers, NHS and truckers into believing they should leave. There’s no other possible explanation. It’s essentially sabotage to undermine Brexit. If you were trying to do that wouldn’t you offer to treat foreigners like human beings? The exact opposite of our policy. Underhand stuff. The EU should be ashamed of itself.”
The inquiry into the paintings will report later in the summer, with the less important one about the workforce to follow sometime before Christmas.
“With any luck we will have an answer by Christmas. You remember Christmas? We had it last year except last year we held 10,000 EU HGV drivers in a sodden and cold camp in Kent. Many local charities recall the event, they had to feed the truckers.”