CARING IS SHARING : Viral sensation Boris Johnson is to go ahead with a visit to a South London petting zoo in spite of testing positive for Bubonic Plague.
It had been expected that the Prime Minister would re-schedule the event, but insiders suggest it is to go ahead anyway because “otherwise he’ll be stuck at home listening to Carrie bang on about redecorating the nursery”.
The visit to Magic Pete’s Magic Animal Magicalarium is now a customary and annual feature of the Prime Minister’s diary and fits in neatly with visits to “anyone who is prepared to shower the Tory Party with money”.
The day long outing will also feature a ride on a miniature train railway with a billionaire “in the driving seat telling Mr Johnson when to shout toot toot!”. This is believed to be his real reason for the visit, although the obligatory photos will be taken with a range of “domesticated animals often covered in their own scat and other members of his cabinet”.
How exactly Mr Johnson came to be infected with one of the most famous diseases ever to plague humankind is not yet clear although some suspect his “visit to the Ministry of Defence’s Defence Science and Technology Laboratory in Wiltshire was probably where it happened”. It is rumoured Mr Johnson was left unattended during a fire alarm drill at the facility and began opening biohazard freezers to check if he’d ever forgotten a “sperm donation there”.
While there is a clear public health risk from the buboed PM mingling with the public while infectious with the Black Death, it is expected most of the media and political establishment will just shrug it off with the usual placebo of “It’s just Boris being Boris”.
The petty zoo animals will be exterminated after the visit, but that is not in the interests of public safety. Rather it’s because “the Home Secretary will personally oversee the event and really, really enjoy it”.