MIA BUT DEFINITELY IA : Rumours are flying around the Westminster village today that a senior and long standing Conservative Party MP is to leave politics and enter the commercial sector.
The news is doubly a surprise as Tory MPs usually manage to stay both in the government and any commercial sector they like these days, owing the complete deterioration of standards and accountability in UK governance. Which is nice.
While the MP concerned has not been named, speculation is rife that they don’t actually exist and this article has been written purely to highlight what appears to be alleged attempts to throw the law off the trail by various Government figures.
“We used Michael Gove for the article image because people are asking where he is. There’s no suggestion he’s actually supplying the burner phones. Although he may have used them long ago, given his self professed history of bringing the party to the party,” a senior fictional editor commented.
Burner phones have become a hot property in UK government circles recently, with Ministers finding they can get the best commercial advantages for the voters if the voters have no way of knowing what they’ve been up to.
“It’s about accountability,” one senior figure told LCD Views. “If you’re doing some potentially dodgy stuff with pals they need to know they can trust you to keep the heat off their tails. It’s about trust. The chumocracy can’t function unless trust is 100%. Usually of the ‘If I go down I’m taking you with me’ kind. It keeps everyone working together well.”
What the Mother of Parliaments will do about perceived loss of honesty, and potentially outright corruption in plain view in government, is anybody’s guess.
“Probably f all,” our editor suggests, “at least until the end of the summer recess. Nothing must stand in the way of a few weeks in the south of France to unwind after doing F all for another year. It’s nice work if you can get it.”