SEEING IS BELIEVING : Prime Minister Boris Johnson is to address the nation from his visit to Mustique Island, um, Scotland this evening.
There is no need to panic that a famously workshy PM is going to step out of his twelve course dinner, before the lobster course, to talk to the people.
“It’s just strong and stable government in action,” a 10 Downing Street spokesman, travelling with the PM, told LCD Views from a tropical beach. “He’s heard that some voters are expressing concerns over supplies to supermarkets and he wants to reassure the great British public his holiday will not be interrupted by it.”
Further reassurance will be offered over supplies to world leading British supermarkets. In particular the cardboard shelf fillers which are increasingly replacing actual products.
“The range and variety of ways supermarkets are concealing the product shortages has become a traditional feature of a British shoppers experience. It adds a real element of surprise to what used to be a humdrum feature of domestic life for ordinary people, and for the domestic staff of MPs. The People’s Prime Minister wants everyone to know that cardboard supplies are secure.”
Although the address by the PM, in Hawaiian shorts, will put most people’s minds at rest, one or two Tory backbenchers are said to be less than impressed.
“Oh, that’s just the ERG reinventing themselves again. This time as the CRG, the Cardboard Recovery Group, I’d ignore them unless they have sufficient support to disturb the PM’s afternoon nap.”
Rumours that the army has been placed on standby to ensure cardboard shelf filler supplies continue to reach supermarkets are thought to be true. Which will put joy into the even the most dispiriting trip to the shops.
“As long as we have the impression of food we can believe in food. Which is completely in keeping with Brexit.”