A FRIEND IN NEED : Global Britons are set to reap the rewards of Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s refusal to investigate Russian interference in U.K. democracy.
The reticence on the part of the Tory government to investigate outside influence in our democratic processes at first seemed just a nice way to reward the Russian business people who are so generous to Tory Party coffers. But now it’s coming back around and everyone is advised to be grateful.
The cause is Mr Johnson finally finding a way to solve the HGV driver shortage which sees British supermarkets emptying of produce at an accelerating rate.
Initially it was expected that Mr Johnson, and Home Secretary Priti Patel, would weather the blowback from the insane, manic, swivel eyed, mouth foaming eurosceptics in their party and simply unwind the ending of Freedom of Movement. Rather than see British voters suffer. But that is the sort of backward thinking that won’t drive British shoppers forward.
Downing Street issued the following reassuring statement to ease the growing concerns over what were first empty shelves, and is now vanishing aisles headed for full blown crisis.
“The Prime Minister would like to extend his gratitude to the Russian Federation for their offer of assistance in our time of need. It came as a surprise that the EU would seek to punish its good friends across the English Channel, and deprive our domestic consumers of choice of nationality of HGV drivers. Happily the Russian President was moved by the images of Tesco which so strongly resembled the end of the Soviet Era.”
The first Russian army trained HGV drivers are expected to arrive later this week and Mr Johnson will hold a garden reception for them at Chequers.
The Home Secretary is also said to be considering expanding the scheme and seeking Russian assistance to build new “labour camps” for “unrepentant remoaners”.
A spokesman for the Labour Party declined to comment, pointing instead to party members who say “comrade” in every other sentence for comment.
Mr Johnson is expected to welcome Mr Putin to Downing Street later this month and give him the keys to 10 Downing Street because as far as governing the U.K. is concerned he can “no longer be bothered.”