CROESO i LYMDER : 10 Downing Street is not forgetting Wales this week as the UK charges head first into a cliff face. Wales is coming along with the rest of us, which is nice.
Many will recall Michael Gove was famously tasked by Boris Johnson with keeping the Union together, after Boris Johnson and Michael Gove did their utmost to place the future of the Union in jeopardy. It wasn’t just Northern Ireland, Cornwall, Kent and Scotland that Mr Johnson was worried about shedding, it was also Wales. They must stay in the Union until Mr Johnson is bored of being PM.
Mr Gove may currently be MIA, but the fruits of his labours live on beyond the harvest.
“Yes the Welsh lost some minor EU funding which paid for apprenticeships to become English teachers and other things useful to the Welsh,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “Castles. I hear they’re big on castles. Traditional industry. We’ll be building more of those. But just because the EU now churlishly refuse to send money to our deprived regions doesn’t mean the Welsh will have to wait. Mr Williamson is going to recruit a Latin teacher from a valley, for a start. Then there’s the boost to domestic poem growing. But we’ve more to offer them still. Mr Redwood will tweet soon about Welsh fish. And we’ve got some Tory grade promises to make. Endless promises to level up!”
The promises are believed ready to roll out, repeated ad nauseum, until the news cycle moves on. Once they are firmly embedded in the national psyche they’ll be broken, just to see if the Tories can get away with it.
“We’re going to level Wales up!” the spokesman promised. “Yes, some areas have been left untended since the end of traditional industries but now they too will get promises to level up! Daily. It’s going to be great. We may even send a bus to drive around Wales with the promises printed on the side of it! Who needs the EU when Boris can make a promise to you!”