The blame for the ongoing shortage of lorry drivers and for empty supermarket shelves is the fault of remainers, according to a government spokesman.
‘We wouldn’t be where we are now if more people had voted in favour of EU membership in June 2016,’ said Jason Pratt on behalf of Lord Frost. ‘I mean, it stands to reason that if the chattering classes in Hampstead and the so-called red wall voters in the north had actually got off their backsides and voted in favour of membership, we wouldn’t be in the mess we are now. So it’s their fault, innit?’
Lord Frost later said that the EU has to accept some of the blame.
‘Did you ever hear them warning the hard working fishermen, farmers and transport companies that leaving the EU would result in a loss of their livelihood, shortages of food, the return of the troubles in Northern Ireland and rats the size of otters roaming unchecked through the streets of our fair cities? I certainly didn’t, and why not? Because the BBC and mainstream media were too busy telling us that everything would be nice, so they’re to blame as well.’
Michael Gove, Minister without Point, waded in to the controversy. ‘If only the experts had warned us of the dangers of closing our borders and leaving the largest trading block in the world rather than banging on about getting our sovereignty back, having our cake* and eating it, and how grateful Brits would at last be able to pick cabbages* in a muddy field in Norfolk in January for £3 ph.’
Kevin Pastie, a lorry driver, said, ‘I’ve been stuck in this queue for so long now, that Kent council have told me I need planning permission. It’s disgusting that no-one told Mr Farage what would happen. I blame Jeremy Corbyn.’
*cabbages and cake subject to availability. Only one item per customer.