HANG YOUR HEADS IN SHAME : Tony Blair isn’t often out of the news and he’s back dead centre today, alongside Gordon Brown, after 10 Downing Street launched an inquiry into the HGV driver shortage.
The inquiry is to be headed up by supreme Tory party intellect Andrew Bridgen and will focus on the last Labour government’s attempts to educate the populace. Mr Bridgen is well regarded as a tour de force of Conservative thinking, largely due to his competition.
“It’s shocking what Labour did,” Mr Bridgen told an empty box of cereal. “They done give the kids education. What’s that all for? We need field serfs not scientists. We need chimney sweeps not doctors. We need knocker uppers to make sure the PM gets home before light, not entrepenopeners. I didn’t get where I am today by being educated. You can tell by my every utterance that my own education was sorely lacking. I got here because I’ve a deep sense of insecurity that could only be soothed by bullying people weaker than me. Daily. That’s why I became a Tory MP.”
It’s likely of course that if Mr Bridgen hadn’t settled on politics he would have become a HGV driver.
“It’s only because I didn’t learn Latin that I couldn’t become a HGV driver,” Mr Bridgen illuminates. “The last Labour government has a lot to answer for. Education, education, education was all very well if you’re prepared to fund it out of a basic recognition that the strength of a country is reliant on its education system. Well, that’s not us.”
The inquiry is expected to be wrapped up by lunchtime and its findings delivered on Mr Bridgen’s twitter feed.
“The last Labour government have a lot to answer for,” Mr Bridgen is seething. “Not least the attempts to stop kids turning into gammon.”