NOT WAVING DROWNING : Boris Johnson is a plucky underdog who doesn’t step back from engineering fights for his media outriders to embattled themselves in. But it seems the latest in the culture punch ups, that involving the RNLI, is set to see him perform the sort of about face he performed over footballers and racism.
“It seemed a simple enough fight to win,” a 10 Downing Street insider told LCD Views. “We have Priti Patel do what she loves best, demonise forrins and the people who like to help them, and get Farage shouting at the sea then wait for the victory dance. But in spite of overwhelmingly voting for that racism fuelled idiocy of Brexit, the Great British public now seem reticent about attacking volunteer lifesavers? Who would have thought it!”
And reticent the public are, so much so they’ve dug deep into their pockets and showered the RNLI with support to combat the attacks of Farage, Patel and others.
“Johnson will be okay, don’t worry,” the source reassures. “He’ll just have to pivot and show his support for the RNLI. Put a little clear water between himself and Farage, before calling him back into action again.”
The only potential snag in the pivot is thought to be the failure of the PM to locate a RNLI outfit.
“He’s got a dressing up box overflowing with costumes of all sorts of occupations, but bafflingly not one to do with rescuing non-white people at sea. It’s taken us all totally by surprise. We’re phoning around our donors right now to see if anyone has one? But so far they’ve all said they just have WW2 military outfits, and those are from the wrong side…”
All is not lost however.
“Lunch is due any minute, right after breakfast, so there will be plenty of empty wine crates by mid-afternoon out of which the PM can knock out a lifesaver’s outfit. He’ll be there beaming by the sea, attempting to get ahead of the charitable crowd and lead, before you know it.”