CRISIS IS OPPORTUNITY : British Prime Minister Boris Johnson is reported to love chaos as he believes it makes him the focus, and he’s certainly adept at creating crisis after crisis. He presumably feels he is now everyone’s focus, just as he wanted.
However there is thought to be concern building within the Executive that the current crisis, the one about food, may soon become a bigger focus than even the idiot who engineered it. Swift action is called for.
“That’s why we’ve ordered the Ministry of Defence to draw up plans to invade Suez and seize the Suez Channel,” an automaton, repurposed from its original purpose as a vacuum cleaner, told LCD Views. “Although we’re doubtful the bloody French will go along with it this time around. Mind you it’s their fault we failed in the 1950’s. This time, with Johnson at the helm, it will work out different. This is Empire 2.0 in action.”
It’s hoped the manufacturing of an “easy and winnable” war in North Africa will help boost the PM’s ratings now that the much celebrated vaccine bounce appears to be fading.
“We’ll park the new aircraft carrier off the coast and demand whoever is currently running Egypt hand us the keys to the canal,” the source informs. “After that we’ll have Raab go ashore and plant the Union Flag at the entrance to the Suez Channel and get back home in time for the victory parade. It’s impossible to see any drawbacks to this idea. Get Suez Done! The slogan wrote itself.”
But critics within the government are thought to be asking how the invasion of Egypt will help with domestic food supply problems?
“The Nile is famous as a horticultural landscape. We’ll just ship back whatever food we need once we control the place,” the source shrugs. “Mr Johnson has thought of it all personally. He’s planning it right now with Captain Bollinger.”