IF IT AIN’T BROKE, FIX IT ANYWAY: Ice cold Brexit chief Lord Frost has issued the ultimate ultimatum. He is to tell his EU counterparts that, because they were so European, they forced Brexit on us, so now they must sort out the current deadlock over Northern Ireland.
Frost has expressed “deep dismay” at the way the Northern Ireland Protocol, that he negotiated, and that Boris Johnson sold as “oven ready”, actually operates.
“It doesn’t solve the problem of the Irish border,” Frost announced today. “There should be no border, anywhere. That is our priority!”
But there is a land border, like it or not, with the EU.
“There shouldn’t be!” retorted Frost. “This is Ireland’s fault for not leaving the EU with the rest of England, even though we told them it would solve all our problems!”
Ireland said no, but you still went ahead regardless.
“In full expectation that the EU would snap into line with us!” he snapped. “They failed to align with us, so the problems are theirs!”
Didn’t the EU supply some solutions to the difficulties caused by the Protocol?
“Yes, but they didn’t suggest what we expected them to suggest,” said Frost suggestively. “So we had to reject them out of hand. This intransigence is getting us nowhere.”
At last, something we can agree upon. What if the EU managed to read your mind and offer everything you wanted?
“No, that’s no good at all,” replied Frost. “The EU forced this on us, the EU must solve all the problems, and we must reject everything, because we suspect that otherwise the Germans will sneak something subtle past us to get their revenge for beating them in Euro 2020.”
Which means that your attitude guarantees stalemate, the obstacles will never be overcome, and the UK will sink into obscurity.
“Yes, but that’s not important,” said Frost. “The real issue is making sure that the EU is to blame for the situation.”
If it’s broke, don’t fix it, just blame somebody else?
“In a nutshell, yes.”