SHOUT LOUDER SO THEY CAN HEAR YOU : Great news today for anyone concerned the United Kingdom is becoming less visible on the global map since its reinvention as Global Britain.
Fearless Prime Minister Boris Johnson maybe self isolating on a country estate so massive no one can find him but that doesn’t mean he’s idle, all the time.
It’s alleged the booze has not stopped flowing since he took the sensible precaution of allegedly retrospectively changing his geographical location on the day he was deciding whether or not to take the piss out of self isolation rules, or do what he does best and make an example of himself.
“The cellars are Chequers maybe at risk of being empty by the time the PM finishes his seclusion,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “But the blue sky will be full of magical thinking.
It seems mostly the PM has turned his attention to destabilising the peace process in Northern Ireland, in the hope of blackmailing the EU into changing the Brexit Deal.
“But he’s also given some thought to the need for the country to update its national symbols to better exemplify its new reality. The flag clearly needs a redesign.”
Any redesign must be in keeping with the man himself which is why all Union Flags will soon be much brighter and impossible to miss.
“We’re redoing the flag in hi vis. This way no one will be able to ignore Global Britain. And everyone will have to take us seriously as a risk,” the source confirms, “This spikes the guns of the nationalists in the colonial provinces too. You want to redesign our flag Sturgeon? Too late! We’ve beaten you to it!”
The other tangible benefit of the recoloured flag will be to better represent the UK’s government.
“Run a hi vis filter over the Union Flag and it looks just like UKIP’s. Which is especially fitting when you look at Boris Johnson’s nasty, little xenophobic government. Plus, it’ll be a boom to the flag and bunting industry in China.”