THE SMELL OF A BURNING PANTS FIRE : DOWNING STREET has reacted swiftly today to the Prime Minister Boris Johnson being called a liar in the House of Commons by Labour MP Dawn Butler. The MP was asked to withdraw the statement of provable reality several times before being shown the door by the Deputy Speaker, who apparently has to defend insanity by convention.
It’s been a standing order of British flavour democracy that MPs can lie through their teeth in the House of Commons and face no consequence, especially in the post-truth Brexit era. That an MP would be so determined to state the bleeding obvious has come as a shock to the largely honour based system that we have.
“It’s just not on,” a 10 Downing Street source commented, “the PM is an ageing, privileged man and as such we all have to maintain the pretence he is above reproach, even when he’s a complete and utter binfire, morally, ethically and in terms of governance. How do we continue the farce if MPs are going to kick against convention?”
How indeed. Thankfully the executive has accumulated an impressive amount of tyrannical powers to use as it sees fit and it will do just that.
“We’re taking the Gordian knot approach,” the source continued. “We’re not going to get tied up in endless knots and twists and turns over the PM being a provable liar. We’ll just use a statutory instrument to change reality and cut right through the issue.”
The change will be effective immediately and take the form of a simple severing of the final link between the UK’s government and anything approaching sanity.
“We’ll just pass a law this evening over dinner that means that lies are now truth. Are equal to and really greater than. After that rebel Labour MPs can say what they want. The law will prove reality is different to whatever they can prove. It’s a continuation of strong and stable government.”