A SPOONFUL OF SUGAR : DOWNING STREET is to “hit back” today at the lack of patriotism in the general population as the inevitable Brexit food shortages begin.
It’s believed concern has been growing within the executive for many weeks over what is perceived as a “lack of true grit” amongst voters which is threatening to “undermine the settled will of the people”.
It’s understood a special working group will be set up at “maximum taxpayer expense” to formulate “a plan with more roundabouts and u-turns in it than the Tour de France” to take the fight to “the British people”.
A poster campaign is planned on bus shelters and billboards with morale building slogans such as “weight loss is great loss” and “keep life moving”. As soon as a word that rhymes with “fasting” is found those two will also form the basis of a robust slogan.
“We can’t have all this moaning just because there’s no fresh fruit and veg,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “People have had more than long enough to dig compost into their apartment balconies and prepare their own allotments.”
Mercifully supplies of fine food, delicacies and wines for MPs are not yet under threat.
“The RAF is on standby to airlift in whatever vintages we are running short of,” the source reassures, “and a special cash fund called ‘Liquid Emergency’ has been set aside so aircrew can purchase bottles directly from vintners on the Continent.”
The people however are reminded to be respectful of the “demands of high office and the requirement to keep well lubricated”.
“It’s important everyone blames the food shortages on Brussels or the pandemic,” the source adds. “It is of no consequence that there are no food shortages across the Channel. UK media never bother to look further than the White Cliffs of Dover.”
You can do your bit by stiffening your upper lip and giving your kids a “swift clip behind the ears” should they complain about cat litter replacing cereal for breakfast.
At no stage must anyone seek to undermine Brexit. Priti Patel will soon be making that a crime.