STINK OUT TO SPACE OUT : As the minutes count down to the end of the pandemic in England 10 Downing Street isn’t ignoring its responsibility to issue up to date safety guidance.
“While clearly from midnight tonight it’s going to be a free for all with your fellow citizens deciding what’s best for your health and safety, that doesn’t mean we’re comfortable to let it be a free for all,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “I mean common sense means different things to different people. They guy who stuck 10 dairy creme eggs up his bum, the guy who stuck a red flare in his bum and the people who phoned the emergency services over a KFC chicken shortage will have different ideas about how to stop you catching a potentially lethal infectious disease than you do. This is why we’ve issued our latest guidance.”
The guidance itself concerns personal hygiene, which has been a focus all through the extended U.K. experience of the pandemic.
”You’ve all been washing your hands, which is great, but did you realise that to keep safe from tomorrow it will be best to stop bathing the rest of you?”
Specifically the update from 10 Downing Street advises Brits to cease all bathing and showering all together, and thankfully that’s not because of a water shortage. Yet.
“If you’re worried about the maskless cockwombles as you line up at the supermarket you don’t have to feel anxious. If you reek to high heaven no one is going to want to stand close to you. This will ensure social distancing remains in place even as your government attempts to collapse your national health service.”
Stop showering. Wave your arms. Shop safely.