SUPER SPREADER IN CHIEF : The UK’s world leading pandemic leader, and also prime minister, is to pick up where he left off early last year.
With all restrictions set to be lifted in England from Monday Mr Johnson is reported to be planning to lead by example, as England becomes the global epicentre of failed infectious disease control.
It is said that he will spend the week dressed in a range of outfits and visit as many locations as possible, with his unmasked team, to really give the next stage of the pandemic a boost.
“First off he’s going to dress as a scientist and ignore safety guidance and spread whatever he can around a high security laboratory,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views.
“Tuesday the photoshoot will be at a primary school. Big beaming smiles and kids playing along because they want their parents to come home again. We all know schools in England are immune to all infectious microbes. Especially cold ones. This has successfully guided the PM’s response to the pandemic so far. Just look at the numbers we’re hitting!”
But the prize turkey will be making the biggest show when he visits an NHS hospital.
“We’re not going to make a success of our experiment in mass delusion if people are still afraid to die or be maimed to ensure the success of Mr Johnson’s reign. So hospitals will have to take a serious hit in the coming weeks and months. They’re great targets as the staff can’t strike. If they do people will die. Happily that’s not a concern that overly burdens the PM.”
It’s said that Mr Johnson will shake hands with everyone possible in the hospital, just to ensure the range of symptoms patients present are “levelled up” across the wards and amongst the staff.
“We can get the pandemic done!” the source adds. “It’s a choice. And your government has chosen the path where some of you will die, and they’re okay with that.”