WHAT GOES AROUND : BREAKING news from Downing Street today after a completely fabricated leak for the purpose of this critique of government stunned the world.
Just after midday official papers bearing British Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s signature were found at a fictional bus stop recently installed in this publication’s mind on Downing Street. The papers are alleged to contain large font scrawling by Mr Johnson demanding to know how everyone “keeps catching this bloody idea they should all stay at home?”
Further in the documents Mr Johnson states that he suspects the actual cause of the long running, world beating U.K. experience in the pandemic maybe “ergot poisoning” as so many people appear to disagree with his idea of a reality focused solely on himself. The entire damn country has “dancing sickness and we must find the phonograph and turn the bally music off!”
While the revelation maybe made up it is thought by experts to be the only rational answer to Mr Johnson’s stubborn refusal to believe that Monday 19th July is not the day to declare the pandemic over, and lift all remaining restrictions.
“Either he is not aware the pandemic is caused by a highly infectious, potentially lethal virus or he’s a total sociopath unfit to govern. It’s one of the other,” one expert commented.
Anyone alarmed at the discovery their Prime Minister can not grasp the basics of infectious disease control is advised to use their own common sense and wait for the Prime Minister to attempt to clap for the NHS again, late summer.
“I’d be making plans for the next lockdown now,” another expert commented, “because as long as the U.K. strategy continues to be written for the convenience of Tory MP’s lifestyles we are all completely stuffed.”