IT WASN’T ME GUV : British Prime Minister Boris Johnson is on the receiving end of some surprising criticism for encouraging racism today, in the wake of the appalling abuse of England’s football team following Sunday night’s Euro2020 final. Following the final whistle some of the UK’s world leading gammon took to social media to heap racist abuse on a team which has exceeded expectations.
Happily for Global Britain though, as it showcases itself to the world, the PM has a ready explanation for his use of racist tropes in much of his back catalogue of published writing.
“My accounts have been hacked, all of them,” Mr Johnson told a press briefer yesterday evening. “I haven’t written a single word ever. Nothing that has ever appeared with my byline was written by me. It’s an absolute scandal and the police should have found the culprit, or culprits long before now.”
When asked how he could not have noticed articles appearing with his name under them using racist tropes to demean Muslim women, or decidedly colonial language when talking about the continent of Africa, Mr Johnson shrugged and hit back, “You try being drunk your entire career and see if you notice an article with your name on it using homophobic language? Or suggesting eugenics by way of population control. Bit bloody ticklish when you find yourself in command of a pandemic strategy leading to one of the planet’s worst death tolls! Ha!”
While the PM’s explanation will satisfy many, as he is a famous slacker and there has been considerable doubt about how much work he actually does, not everyone is satisfied.
“He’ll be telling us the pandemic strategy has been hacked next,” one disgruntled insider commented, “right about the time the irreversible lifting of restrictions is reversed.”
Your Prime Minister is not racist, but, racists do seem to find a lot of encouragement under his premiership…perhaps someone in his cabinet can explain why?