KEEP ON TRUSSING ON : An overnight study has discovered the root cause of the distress felt by many English fans today after the nail biting loss to Italy in last night’s Euro2020 final.
The cause appears to be the fact that they just haven’t heard about all the exciting post-Brexit trade deals closed by Brexit Superstar Liz Truss. It’s not so much that England lost the game but that some people don’t have enough that is good in their life to set the defeat against. This leaves them unable to acknowledge that the result was a fair reflection of the contest between two fantastic teams. And then move on. Happy in the outstanding achievements of the wonderful England team and their manager.
“We didn’t expect to discover it’s Liz Truss’s fault,” Professor Madeup, lead researcher on the study, told LCD Views. “It would however be helpful if the Secretary of State for Photocopying EU Trade Deals put just a bit of effort into advertising her achievements. The old social media post now and then. The occasional disingenuous puff piece in the Telegraph or Express. Is that too much to ask?”
The reticent nature of Ms Truss has not been helpful since the United Kingdom took back control of its sovereignty, and there are fabricated rumours of an imminent reshuffle.
“Ms Truss is not going to be reshuffled anytime soon,” a 10 Downing Street source said, “mostly because she’s always overseas closing exciting, time limited trade deals on less advantageous terms than we enjoyed before Brexit. So long as she’s happy to drape herself in flags and beam emptily at a camera she is giving the boss what he needs. The right wing rags can write positive interpretations of the achievements and pro-trolls share the articles across social media platforms. Job done.”
Keep on Trussing on. We may have lost the football but look at what we’ve won!