THAT SINKING FEELING : Still waters may run deep but the churning, shallow stream of effluent from 10 Downing Street is in no danger of being still. Or stopping. As “Freedom Day” is rapidly approaching world king Boris ‘Plague’ Johnson is determined to celebrate the declared end of the pandemic in the UK with a traditional British celebration.
“We’re going to have a wonderful party,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “It will be like the VE Day celebrations last year all over again. Conga lines on every street passing the airborne virus from front to back and with the Prime Minister’s express permission and encouragement!”
And to help everyone really get into the right mood for the party the PM is said to have booked a famous British band to provide the music.
“We’ve booked the actual band that played on the actual Titanic as it sank. You could not stop them cheering the passengers up as the ship upended and went straight into the depths. Which is exactly what we’re aiming for on the 19th of July.”
The booking of the band that played as the Titanic went under is not only appropriate because of the comparison between the behaviour of England and that other preventable disaster.
“It’s the right choice. Remember what Mr Johnson said himself in the House of Commons? We’re going to make a Titanic success of Brexit! We’ve done that. And now we’re doing it with the novel virus. Because not hitting the iceberg at speed would upset the Tory backbenchers. And no one ever wants to do that! No matter what the human cost.”