PEERLESS : The UK’s current post-Brexit Brexit negotiator Lord Frost is about to discover that two can play the peerage game.
So far it has worked out wonderfully well for the English nationalist team to enable a mediocre knob desperate for status and send him to Brussels. But it seems the wily Continentals have now cottoned on to how Lord Frost keeps getting them to delay the full consequences of the deal negotiated by Lord Frost.
“They’ve set up a system of peerages themselves,” a 10 Downing Street source tells LCD Views. “It’s going to be a sticky wicket the next time Frosty goes into bat against Barnier, or whoever it is he talks to these days. The Daily Mail is going to have a field day at least, railing against unelected privilege and the cost to the taxpayer.”
No tabloid fury will help Lord Frost on the sticky wicket though when he’s faced with Duke Barnier and Duchess von der Leyen. He’s liable to wilt a little in the pressure.
“You can’t go higher on the tree until you start bumping into the Royals’ knees. This is a disaster. The only way through we can see is to have the House of Commons vote to abolish the monarchy and re-institute it with Boris and Carrie as King and Queen. Then they can adopt Frost and make him Prince Frost. It’s a bit extreme, but what else can they do?”
In the interim it’s anticipated that Lord Frost will be doubled up and become Lord-Lord Frost, which should buy some time to smuggle more dodgy sausage meat into Northern Ireland.
“We won’t have those unelected bureaucrats outsmarting our unelected bureaucrat,” the source adds, “the Queen will understand. Boris will explain it to her in Ancient Greek the next time they meet.”