In Westminster today, Sir Brindsley ‘Bunny’ Schwarzkopf-Hare, Conservative MP for Chipping-sub-Parva, caused controversy when he tweeted that woke BLM activists had infiltrated Chipping-sub-Parva’s parish council and demanded the removal of a bench dedicated to the memory of his great great grandfather, Sir Hubert Fondly-Schwarzkopf-Hare KMPG, on the tenuous grounds of his involvement in the slave trade.
The 78 year old MP, who has never held high office but was once mentioned by John Major as ‘a member of Parliament’, tweeted, ‘The bench has been a permanent feature outside the Chipping Old Incontinents’ cricket pavilion since time immemorial and it is typical of the awoke, BMW, snowball Marxists on the parish council to want to remove an important part of our heritage.’
Responding to replies, he added, ‘I appreciate that some people are offended by my ancestor’s involvement in the slave trade but I must emphasise that he ceased this enterprise immediately after the siege of Mafeking, when his great friend, General Robert Baden-Powell, mentioned en passant that slavery was perhaps regarded as a trifle infra dignitatem.’
After being informed that slavery had been declared illegal some 60 years before Mafeking, he said that political correctness had obviously been around a lot longer than he thought. ‘In any event, the PM chose me particularly to make a statement reflecting the Conservative Party’s high regard for England’s rich history and heritage.’
Boris Johnson later said that Sir Brindsley had been appointed to some office or the other, and that he had been immediately sacked. ‘This demonstrates our commitment to our well-regarded policies on equality and diversity,’ he said. ‘To be utterly frank, I’d never even heard of him before today.’