VANISHING WITHOUT A TRACE (OR TRACK): Brexit bulldog Lord Frost is seeking a supremo to specify the huge quantity of Brexit Opportunities. A high quality candidate has already been identified.
The candidate, who will be given an almost unlimited budget to track & trace Brexit Opportunities, is of course the government’s go-to fixer. Dido Harding is expected to be appointed any day now.
The Great British Brexit Opportunities have, up to now, been reluctant to show themselves. The self-inflicted gaping wound left by tearing the UK out of the EU is healing only slowly.
Australia style deals to supply wombat eggs and kangaroo milk have not managed to replace our traditional supply chains. So now it is up to Dido the Destroyer to track and trace the true whereabouts of the Sunlit Uplands – and to deliver the mythical chimaera of Global Britain.
Assuming that Brexit is more important than public health, Harding’s budget is likely to be greatly in excess of the £37bn spaffed on covid tracking. In this case, Harding could rightly point to the first Brexit Opportunity – Knowing Matt Hancock’s Phone Number.
It is expected that further Opportunities in the same vein will come to light. They will be collected under the umbrella of Friends In High Places.
But there are many others. Shorting The Pound and Selling The NHS are just two of the great Opportunities to arise from Brexit.
These are short term Opportunities. The greater challenge will be to discover long term benefits. For this, Harding will use every ounce of cunning and every penny of her £37bn+ budget to disappear completely from view without delivering on her brief.
Thus will Lord Frost claim to have discharged his responsibilities. For it won’t be His Lordship’s fault if the corrupt and useless crony to whom he is outsourcing his job takes the money and runs.
The greatest Brexit Opportunity of all is, of course, Being Dido Harding.