LEGAL FOM : THE UK’S PRIME MINISTER IS NO SLOUCH when it comes to his own interests and he’s going to prove it again with proposed changes to the legal powers of the Electoral Commission.
Currently the commission has a scandalous overreach in its powers where it can interrupt the PM’s long lunches to ask who paid for his curtains? And perhaps even call him to account over it. This is an intolerable situation which all patriots will concur must come to an end.
“Can you imagine the intrustion?” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “You’ve just finished the lobster thermidor and you’re eagerly anticipating the rib eye, with a side of sautee’d baby pangolins, and some desperate SPAD bursts in to say a girly swot is demanding to know how the £500K sofa was paid for? It’s ruining the governance of the entire country. Once doesn’t scale the heights just to be bored senseless by nerds banging on about rules and laws and zzzzz.”
But critics of the proposed changes have said it’s just for show as “no one in government is called to account for anything anymore anyway, no matter how egregious the rule breaking” adding, “even Priti Patel, who was found to be running her own foreign policy agenda and sacked was then made Home Secretary. When arguably she should have been run out of politics all together”.
It is hoped though that by demonstrating great flexibility with the laws that govern the United Kingdom, and changing them to suit the lifestyles of the rich and powerful – as has been successfully trialled all through the pandemic – that the EU will take note.
“If the EU can get with the programme and be as flexible with their laws as we are with ours than we can make a great success of Brexit.”
But just in case anyone is wondering how their day to day life maybe impacted, Downing Street has some words of comfort, “Don’t worry. If you’re a pleb and you’ve an unpaid parking fine your life is still there to be ruined by anyone who pleases.”