DOMSHOTS : Matt Hancock isn’t taking the latest revelations about his ability to perform his vitally important function as Secretary of State for Health and Social Care and WhatsApp Messages in silence.
As the great stink caused by super genius Cummings revelations about what Boris Johnson actually thinks of Mr Hancock’s performance during the pandemic permeated the Westminster bubble Mr Hancock released a statement.
“Of course I’m totally fucking hopeless,” Mr Hancock admitted with a candour that surprised many. “That was the entire basis of why I was hired. Do you think anyone with a functioning cerebral cortex would work for a dithering chancer like Johnson? Give it a rest.”
It’s not clear what impact super forecaster Dom expected with his latest Domocet missile aimed at the heart of Downing Street. Presumably he’s expecting it to change something. Presumably he’ll be wrong, and not for the first time.
“You all know I’m totally fucking hopeless,” Mr Hancock continued to hit back, “you’ve been living with me as Health Secretary through the entire pandemic. Well, not all of you clearly, there’s been an unforgivable degree of completely avoidable death. I would blame Mr Johnson for that. He’s the one who missed all the COBRA meetings because he didn’t give a shit. And of course was too busy watching Changing Rooms with his then mistress.”
10 Downing Street similarly seemed entirely nonplussed by the PM’s former aide’s latest attempt to hole the HMS Bullshit in the bows.
“Mr Johnson was merely stating the entire employment criteria for anyone who serves in his cabinet. He wants clapping seals not competence. It’s not exactly a world beating revelation now, is it?”