JOBER AS A SUDGE YOUR HONOUR : DOWNING STREET is rumoured to have reacted swiftly to alarming reports of a delay to imports of the PM’s favoured vintage claret today by organising the RAF to beat the customs delays with heavy lift aircraft. The decisive action will have ramifications far beyond the daily long lunch and dinner at 10 Downing Street.
“We’re going to subtitle the Prime Minister’s ramblings in English from now on,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “This will mean that anyone who turns the subtitle option on will be able to follow what he’s saying. Just as well, because he’s not about to run out of Château Lafite Rothschild anytime soon! Ha!”
While the attempt to bring clarity in real time to what the actual Prime Minister of the United Kingdom is attempting to say will be welcomed by voice impersonators and major media sketch writers, not everyone is convinced.
“Just because you can read what he’s blathering doesn’t mean it isn’t blather,” said one avid follower of the PM.
“He’ll still be talking out of his backside,” another exasperated punter posted on social media. “Subtitle waffle in English all you like. It’ll still be waffle, regardless of how much ancient Greek is involved. Maybe he could try laying off the bottle, at least on the days he’s got to talk to the country?”
And there is rumoured to be pushback within the parliamentary Conservative Party.
“This will allow Brussels to spy on us,” a member of the curiously funded CRG worried. “We know hardly any forrins can understand spoken English unless it’s shouted slowly, but what if they get hold of recordings and can then translate the PM’s message into a funny foreign language?”
The subtitling is anticipated to begin as soon as the PM has to front up to the podium again. This will be when he has to announce a further delay to lifting of restrictions, after he lets the pandemic rip once more.