WAKE UP AND SMELL THE ROSES : DOWNING STREET is reportedly so fed up with the “girly swots” in Brussels today that it is to issue a stern diplomatic rebuke.
The final straw appears to be EU leaders’ insistence that Mr Johnson keep his word. It’s believed that if they’ll believe that they’ll believe anything and “maybe we should try selling them a bridge on top of the NIP”.
As relations between the UK government and the largest trading bloc on Earth continue to deteriorate it’s believed that Mr Johnson is feeling “boxed in” like he is in some sort of “marriage or other”.
Why the EU expected any British political figure involved in delivering Brexit to honour their commitments is an ongoing source of puzzlement. It’s clear that people who would sell such a dramatic change to the UK voting public on the back of a barrel load of “horseshit, false promises and racism” should never be trusted by anyone. Especially the British public. More especially the European Union negotiators.
It’s thought the PM will write to Angela von der leyen personally using his special non-staining arts and crafts crayons and using some big words he’s read on the internet.
Further salt was rubbed into the UK wounds over recent days when Mr Biden also expressed the opinion that leaders should keep their promises.
“Boris is feeling really picked on,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “He’s got Carrie indoors wanging on about the peeling wallpaper and Merkel on the blower droning endlessly about honour and words being bonds. Macron just smirking and whispering perfidious Albion in his ear before any photographs together, he’s fit to burst. It’s much harder to just throw off your security detail and enjoy the stress relief of a bunga bunga party when you’re prime minister. People need to think about his mental state and stop asking him to act with honour.”
It is hoped the personal communique will be understood properly in Brussels and they will finally stop treating the UK like a mature, representative democracy which values the international rules based order designed to stop the globe descended back into total conflict and horror.
“If they keep expecting Mr Johnson to honour his commitments they’re going to end up feeling like one of his wives,” the source added.