DO WHAT YOU LOVE BEST : Alarming news from Cornwall this morning with unconfirmed reports that Priti Patel has gone even more rogue than she was already.
Shortly before dawn a fleet of Home Office immigration enforcement vans were seen driving at speed towards the Tregenna Castle Resort where the G7 leaders are staying. It appears English police just waved them through as the Home Secretary herself was leading the raid and “cackling like a mad woman in a horror film”.
“It’s understood the Home Secretary just couldn’t take the thought of an influx of foreigners from many countries all arriving at once and being housed in style and feed at THE GREAT BRITISH TAXPAYERS’ EXPENSE!”
It’s not sure how the seizure of some of the most powerful people in the world will play across the tabloids, but it’s likely Rupert Murdoch won’t mind.
“The undocumented, illegal migrants are now being held in secure accommodation in Kent,” a Home Office statement reads. “The accommodation is definitely fit for human habitation with the series of rotating blades and pits of adders designed by Ms Patel personally.”
It’s not entirely clear how the global community will take the hostile act by Ms Patel, but it is believed she will have the backing of the Tory Party.
“The Conservative Party had no plan B for if Donald Trump lost the US election. Most of them are so far gone they’ll think this is genius and Trump will now stage a comeback.”
The one leader who it seems escaped the raid was New York born Boris Johnson who is said to have climbed out of his bedroom window and climbed down some old ivy hours before the raid.
“They’re saying he spied a blonde woman a few hundreds metres away and ran off to try and start a family with her. Lucky escape.”