ANTI-WOKE WATCH : Downing Street is reportedly so concerned about the spread of “wokeness” through the UK’s public institutions that they have moved to protect the army from any incursions of wrong thought.
Clearly you can’t protect minds from ideological impurities with giant warships using borrowed planes or tanks stuck in the go slow lane, you have to use more subtle techniques.
“Hence the instruction to train soldiers to march without bending their knees,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “It’s genius. Alexander Boris de pfeffel Something hit on it yesterday afternoon in the arts and crafts session that followed the standard long lunch.”
The retraining will begin immediately with all enlisted soldiers to be marched up and down squares at their barracks until they’re finally drilled.
“We’ve drafted in some Russian military attaches to help. They’ve been very enthusiastic. Most of them were here anyway on sightseeing tours of England’s famous cathedral towns. But we’ve plenty of archive footage to assist in the training too.”
Once the retraining is complete there will be mass public displays of the stiff legged march. The bunting will be hung and patriotic citizens encouraged to hold tea parties, regardless of the R rate at the time.
“We’ll have to train specially chosen members of the public to conga without bending their knees too. Maybe also a special salute that recognises all the lessons we’ve forgotten from WW2. It’s going to be very dramatic.”
The code name for the new directive is also evocative of times gone by.
“Operation Goosestep. It’s what the people voted for after all back in 2016. The Prime Minister is just fulfilling the will of the people by rebirthing the nation.”